Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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