Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
