If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
