By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
