I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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