Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
