Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
