Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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