a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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