I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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