Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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