I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
