oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
