guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize