The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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