sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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