is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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