I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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