dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
