don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
My bed smells like the plague
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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