Hey man sorry I got all grabby
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
