so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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