I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
