rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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