you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize