Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
