Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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