I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize