I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
