Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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