dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
