you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
my sisters under your porch take her home
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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