You work out of a Hotel?
I didn't shave. On purpose
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
