marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
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