i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
