We got so high we made milksteak
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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