Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
