tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
