Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
