Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
