I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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