I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
