I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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