I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
