and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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