R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
