im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
