I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
