the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
