This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
