Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
