I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize