Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
