I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
