What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
