Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
