are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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