Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
