i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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