My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
