He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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