I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize