Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
