Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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