i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
