Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
