We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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