Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
you made out with another girl for some wings
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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