i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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