Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
